A Chapter Ending

Good Friday.

The day we humble ourselves as we remember our Savior’s ultimate humiliation. Our sins holding Him on the cross, and His love for us conquering that sin through the most unlikely means imaginable. 

Today we remember the saddest day in the history of God’s story in this world, and we grieve for the part we play in that sadness.

But as so frequently happens in the Christian life, sorrow mingles perfectly with joy. Our joy is made full in the knowledge of how death was conquered by one death, and in it the forgiveness of sins, making us clean. A bright light after utter darkness.

Today is a good day, and in our home, an especially joyous one. Today we celebrate our own bright light. A day in which we cannot help but sing praises to our Lord for His kindness to us. Today we end a chapter of our lives that at times I seriously doubted would ever end. I questioned whether we would survive, and yet here we are: 

The end of Medical School. 

Today is Riley’s last day of rotations. All exams passed, all requirements met. Some paperwork to do, an assortment of remaining check marks to make, and then graduation. 

Doctor.

[Four years ago, at his White Coat Ceremony]

 The last four years have been a journey. There is no better way to describe it. Looking back, so much has changed. So much growth. So much strength. So… much. 

Those first years were a fight to find light. They were hard and lonely, and long hours led to a darkness that we had to destroy daily, letting the light in. I am so thankful for this blog, because we can use it to look back and see the beauty in those hard days. We fought, and won. Light prevailed. When classmates watched their own marriages end and relationships fragment, we held tight and looked up. 

[Studying amidst chaos]

When sleepless nights were interrupted by early mornings we drank coffee and pressed on. We laughed when we could, and took turns crying. I snipped flowers on long walks and ushered happiness indoors with their pretty stems. Children squealed in a backyard that was once thought too tiny, but has been remembered with fondness since departing. Somehow it was big enough for mud, and we learned to appreciate that. Asher still wants to go back.

Then after two years, another move, this one with a tease. Close enough for church, family, friends on occasion, but too far for last minute sitters or friendly coffee deliveries. But, as the Lord would have it, the light came easier. The sun shone on a beautiful house with our own space. Rays streaked through lace curtains and hit the heads of growing boys that play hard and laugh loud. Daddy was welcomed home more often, and what was once a book with a headache and bloodshot eyes turned into a well loved, hard working, almost doctor. 

[Student Dr. L]

Patients raved, doctors praised, and wife beamed with joy and gladness and pride. More light, brighter light, more time together, and happiness that came without such a fight. But we still fought. We had been trained, and wouldn’t stop. And the fight got us through long hours, midnight call, and seasons sprinkled with months of a father’s absence as he trained under doctors in other towns. The fight got us through trials small, and trials great. Our third child left our world and entered into glory, and we fought. Grace poured out on us and we saw light, even in the darkest days. We were made strong, prepared for this greatest of fights, and the light shone bright. Holidays followed, and a new baby formed. A daughter to squeeze and hold and smell. Light manifest. Joy in abundance. 

[Early smiles]

The blessings have been steadily replacing the darkness over this last year. Our armor is still on, but the fighting comes easy. The battle drills like dance moves, well rehearsed. War trains soldiers better than any boot camp can. And the training is good, as the hard days aren’t over. They may be different, but the fight for light will never end. Contentment and joy are worth fighting for.

Looking forward we see home. Residency will resurrect long hours and late night studies. It will usher in my first Sunday mornings flying solo with three children to keep quiet and still as they learn to worship their Maker. It will hold new temptations and new battles, but we will fight as we’ve been prepared to fight. We will live surrounded by light. We will open the curtains, and we will be home.

This chapter ending is sweet, so sweet. And yet, looking back, there is sadness as well. These days have been hard, but they have been blessing. Growth of faith, growth of family, and growth of love and respect for my husband have been hallmarks of this season. We have received grace upon grace, and eyes to see it. What a gift.

Now, onto the next! Further up and further in.

[Waving goodbye to Daddy on his last day]

(Far from) THE END