Book Review: The Five Love Languages of Children

The Five Love Languages of Children 

By Gary Chapman, PhD & Ross Campbell, MD

I'm always reading a book on childrearing. Since it's such a huge part of my life and job right now, I'm constantly desiring to soak up as much encouragement and information as I can. I borrowed The Five Love Languages for Children from a friend, in an attempt to better understand one of my little buddies whose personality can be a bit of a puzzle at times.

I thought it was very insightful, and learning more about the love languages (I have not read the first book) was quite helpful. I loved the tips given in the book for "filling up their love tank," and will definitely utilize many of them.

This book defines the five main love languages (words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, gifts, and quality time), how to diagnose your child's primary love language, and then how to use that language to communicate your love to them in a way that they will best understand and feel it. (Note, the authors encourage parents to use all five languages with their children, but knowing what makes your child feel truly loved and secure can give you a way to make sure they get enough of that.)

This was the first book I've read recently that didn't come from a distinctively biblical approach to childrearing, and while there was a great amount of wisdom to be gleaned from its pages, I found several parts of this book that I didn't necessarily agree with. I don't think I'd recommend this book to any and all parents. However, I would definitely recommend that parents learn about the love languages and how to use them to communicate love to their children in the way they will best receive it. Also, as I found it very helpful in understanding my son and what makes him tick, I would be more inclined to recommend it to someone with a child that confuses them, frustrates them, or is just generally more difficult to train and connect with.

The thing I liked about the concept of the love languages was how it helps you to better "know your sheep." As parents we are like shepherds, taking care of and tending to the needs of our flock. This book offers tools to help you better understand your children... especially the confusing ones! :) It helps you remember that we're all created differently, and that our children may require different attention or training techniques than we did as children.

If I'm honest I don't think the love languages are an end all solution to childrearing problems. I don't think it's necessary to categorize our children in this way, and I am not sold on the idea that each child has one dominating love language that speaks more clearly to them than all the others. (I was struggling to diagnose my own love language while reading this book, so I took a test at the end and scored equally high on three of them! Classic me.)  However, I enjoyed reading about the different ways to communicate love, found some shortcomings in my own parenting, and am thankful for the encouragement to improve.

All in all, a pretty interesting read, and I'm glad for the knowledge I've gained from it.